Domestic Violence Awareness Month - Let's Start Droppin' Some Knowledge

You know, I hate doing South Asian domestic violence trainings for a crowd of people from non-immigrant backgrounds, because no matter how many disclaimers you put up saying, "Family violence is not the norm in the culture, but we are explaining some dynamics that can help inform the situation when it does occur," most of them come out saying, "Yeah, that culture's pretty fucked up." And then they describe functional, non-violent South Asian families, and strong South Asian women, as "westernized."

I suppose that's better than those who say, in the name of "liberalism," "That culture imposes such-and-such restrictions on women and punishes those who don't conform, but we should leave them alone because otherwise we'd be imposing our western values on them." (Big ups to S.P. for her paper on this issue.)

Here is the correct way to think about it. Within every culture and religious tradition, there are patriarchal turds who try to control the discourse and dictate what comprises the "culture." They try to freeze and essentialize gender roles -- in the most extreme instances, declaring that certain portions of whatever text justify domestic violence -- and declare homosexuality and divorce as alien to the culture. They try to say some people should have more rights than others, and then try to play it off like it's "different but equal." Find me any culture or major religion where there are not people who do this. And also find me any culture or religion where there are not people -- scholars, "backward caste" farmers, you name it -- who resist the patriarchal interpretation and recognize that culture is continuously evolving, and should evolve to allow dissenting voices.

It does get complicated in immigrant communities because you have the fact of a discrete and insular ethnic community thrown into the mix. A community that does face racism and tries to present itself well and save face by not addressing certain issues. A community that is trying to retain a sense of culture and is wary of intrusion on its practices. Those concerns, coupled with the eagerness of people outside the community to associate the culture itself with its most unhealthy manifestations, illuminates the need for a major wake-up call to all parties -- if the cultural leaders really do want what's best for all their constituents, and mainstream feminists really do want what's best for all women, without patronizing or insulting their cultures.

Patriarchy is fucked up. Racism is fucked up. Cultural or anti-racist justifications for misogyny or homophobia are fucked up. People who use culture or religion as a cloak to oppress other people are fucked up. And that is the end of the fucking story. Don't go around calling me "westernized" (comically, a compliment coming from many white feminists, and an insult coming from South Asian patriarchal traditionalists) just because I reject ass-backward red state, Hindutva, and other fundamentalist values.