dear snidely remarking aunty,

Just because I've been going to the gym, don't start recommending low-fat and non-fat garbage for me to eat, especially when I'm happily and guiltlessly scarfing down shitloads of barfi and fried food right in front of you as you pretentiously deprive yourself of the same. Do not ASSume that I am a corporate-globalization-brainwashed dipshit vying to be the next size-negative-four, bleached-faced Miss India. I am just trying to be reasonably healthy and have an average body fat percentage. To that effect, I believe in adding healthy and productive items to my behavioral itinerary (more water, more fruit/vegetables, more exercise), but not eliminating any pleasurable ones; if, as a consequence of adding some of the healthy, I have less time/room for the unhealthy and a redistribution naturally occurs, then so be it, but I COME DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO GETTING VIOLENT UPON THE SUGGESTION OF CURTAILING MY GLUTTONY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

There should be a rag retreat, where you just hulk with a bunch of sweets, get a massage, and ovulate. If this society is going to define us by our reproductive capabilities, we should get at least that much for them.