All moved back!

I'm officially back in the East Bay, with stacks of garbage bags in my bedroom and the garage to prove it (that's how I pack). I didn't do a very good job of cleaning, but hopefully I'll get some of my deposit back. I had meant to clean and even started to -- really! -- but then I accidentally vacuumed a penny and all hell broke loose. Since the vacuum started roaring furiously and emitting foul smells, I resolved to abandon that task, and then thought there was no point in doing anything else either. I'm very logical that way.

Before the Bar, I was weirdly sad to be leaving Davis, but now I am SO over it. I'm fucking done with law school, with an 11 x 17 inch diploma to prove it. Now it's on to bigger and better things, like lazing around in front of the TV for three and a half months, at which time I will head off to India!

No, I do need to find some sort of temp work though. That private loan I rather unnecessarily took out is really going to screw me up the ass, come December.

THE FIRST DAY OF THE MOTHAFUCKIN BAR EXAM IS FINISHED!

And it wasn't even that bad!

But I'm anticipating tomorrow to be the worse...

--

Oh, before I forget, some tips for the future Bar takers:

1. Screw essay predictions. The predictions were off. People were so sure there would be no Contracts at all, and probably no Torts, and if Torts, then defamation. There was indeed Torts, AND there was a Contracts question for the fifth exam in a row. Just be prepared for anything and everything.

2. Stay in a hotel. I thought it was a little overboard, especially since my apartment is just twenty minutes away, but it does put your mind at ease a little bit to be right around the block. If you take it in Sac, the Vagabond Inn is a good place. It's cheap, has free breakfast, had vacancies even two weeks before surprisingly (that's when I booked), and is literally a block away. I think I'll just walk there tomorrow instead of pay the 7 damn bucks for parking. I could use that for lunch instead. Speaking of which...

3. There isn't a whole lot of time for lunch. By the time the fuckers get done with the announcements, you don't start until almost 9:15, and by the time all the exams get picked up, you don't break for lunch until like 12:40, and then you're supposed to be back in your seat by 1:45. At least tomorrow isn't laptoppage, so there should be more time to go out and grab something... but the parking lot gets crazy with all those peeps.

4. Be prepared for the worst with respect to ExamSoft, if you plan to type. I know a couple of people whose software failed them. I haven't practiced hand-writing the exams at all, but I guess it's a good idea. :X

Pre-Bar Body Check

Hair - extremely dry, but quantitatively replenishing! May be due to the combination of chlorophyll, the psychosomatic/placebo effects of chlorophyll, and having calm and unstressful study buddies.

Eyes - I haven't worn contacts in about two months. The glasses are getting a little jacked, but I need to stick with them because I can't risk the consequences of adjusting to something new at this point. New eyeliner has been purchased to appease my arbitrary vanity. Eyebrows are a mess.

Nose - I have been wanting to switch my nosering, but can't risk any swelling until after the Bar. Sneezed a little bit last week, but in good shape at present.

Lips - No cold sores, blisters, or other crap, and not too chapped, surprisingly.

Skin - Dry, but surprisingly not as dry and cracked and overall decrepit as it could have been, given the weather. New lotion has been purchased.

Shoulders/Back - Tense. Need to sleep well and avoid excessive hunching over.

Hands - Not too sore; fingers are quite nimble but tend to quiver when anxious. Just cut fingernails.

Tits - Doing just fine. Comfortable bras have been procured.

Belly - Larger than life. Gave me mild problems a couple of days back, but feeling OK now. Need to feed it more vegetables and maybe some salmon.

Pelvic region - At ease. Not due for menses until the beginning of August, and really really hoping the subliminal stress won't induce them earlier.

Legs - Nothing noteworthy.

Feet - Terrible flip fop tan, and very dry. Will lotion them up right now.

---

I really need to stop listening to "Where's the Party Tonight." I have it stuck in my head all the time. There is never a moment when I don't have a song stuck in my head, and I guess this is unusual. I need to listen to something slow and boring so as to keep it in my head during the exam.

Tonight will be my last night in Davis and in my apartment.

I'm checking into the hotel early 'cause it's just too fucking hot here. The first thing I packed was my vibrator. I am now packing my leftover alcohol and chasers, having confirmed that there is a refrigerator in the room. I was about to throw in some condoms, but I thought that might be overdoing it.

Yeah, this is for the California Bar Exam.

I don't think anybody on the face of this planet could ever comprehend how much I hate spiders, except maybe Cyn. But even she cannot empathize with how much I fear and abhor even the tiniest of them.

Do you know how many times I have fled the shower in the past week, arms flailing in the air? It is truly a matter of terror, being half blind in the shower and seeing a faint impression of a spider gliding down from the wall and dangling right above your head. Today took the cake, as it was TWO mini-spiders dangling together from a single thread, and I think one of them was dead. EWWWWW. WHY would they choose to venture on a hang-gliding adventure when water is spraying so close to them? I guess it truly is their version of an extreme sport. Fucking assholes.

And now I keep getting paranoid and thinking my HAIR is a spider!

Craigslist Characters

I'm trying to sell off all my furniture (if you are reading this, I hereby offer to give you my couch, futon, TV stand, and/or bed for FREE if it has not already been sold as of the time you accept the offer and you haul it out at a mutually agreed upon time prior to July 31), and I put ads on Craigslist indicating as such. A woman named Sherry emailed inquiring after the TV, so I gave her directions and we set a time for her to come by. She called a little while after she was due and said that she was having trouble finding the place, and was facing a Macy's. I asked whether she was in Davis. She was not. I then got to listen to her conversation with her man.

Sherry: She's in Davis!
Man: What? Well you're the one that called and got the directions.
Sherry: You're the one that looked it up on Craigslist and said it was in Sacramento!
Man: Well there's just one for the whole area so I didn't see the city.
Me: Um, would you still like to come by tonight, or do you want to reschedule?
Sherry: Should we still go? You'll be late to work.
Man: Yeah let's go.
Sherry: But there's a lot of traffic now, your work might fire you.
Man: No it shouldn't be too long, we're not far from there.
Sherry: OK, but if you get fired, I'm dumping you!



They came by with their two kids and got the TV. The man was stoked at the good deal he got, and told the woman her mom would have to find another one because he wanted to keep it.

I have never been a particularly eloquent speaker, but there was a time when I was somewhat skilled at distilling a few sensible thoughts into keystrokes. The only typing I now do involves uncritical, unembellished recitations of the law. My sense of humor, if it ever existed, has now wilted to the point where I delight in any use of the term "substantial" or "compelling" that is outside the context of legal discourse, should I ever find myself in the proximity of such a usage. My social destitution compounds each day.

After taking the Bar, I will promply enroll in a course that teaches me how to interact with other human beings; preferably, it will be online.