My Belly Goes Mmm

I had so much good food today, starting with breakfast at the drunken bateau and then a pot of Darjeeling tea and then yummy Naan N' Curry. All this gluttony has augmented the anguish of my mother, who can't seem to bear seeing me sit here contentedly fat and single as our family friends slowly get paired off with some highly educated chump or other. Whoever said money can't buy love is but a silly oaf, because from what I hear, allocating a good sum of one's disposable income away from feasting and into beautifying expenditures certifies a woman as a suitable commodity to be loved and cherished, just like a sparkling brand new luxury car. And like apples at the top of the tree!

I had no idea what these "black heads" were that my mom was so concerned about, so I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Damn those horny epidermis cells! My mom was stunned by my ignorance and asked what planet I had been living on. I don't know, but apparently not Venus! And certainly not Mars.

I'm telling mom the only sensible solution now until I get my ogre self into tip-top shape is to send off my bio-data, talking up my "child-bearing hips" and "wheatish complexion," along with photographs put through this process.