Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Just saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love fine-ass Johnny, especially now that he looks way androgynous. But some things about the movie were so fucking wrong, HAH!

(Spoilers ahead.) So, basically the story revolves around this little kid, Charlie, whom we are supposed to perceive as the little underdog 'cause he's poor and shit. His grandfather used to work in Willy Wonka's world-renowned chocolate factory (WW even made a chocolate castle for Prince Pondicherry and his wife, who are in brown-face makeup even though they are Indian!), but the factory had to shut down after employees misappropriated WW's trade secrets.

Well now the factory is somehow back up, and WW has a contest to allow five kids, each accompanied by a guardian, to enter his factory, based on who gets the "gold tickets" that are placed in the candy bars at random. We see some class analysis during this contest; obviously, privileged little shits have a better chance at winning, since they can afford to buy more candy. One of the fathers of a spoiled lil' bitch makes the women in his sweatshop unwrap a bunch of candy bars for several days, until a ticket is found.

Anyway, so eventually, once we get into the factory, we find out how WW has managed to keep the factory running efficiently and without the risk of someone stealing his trade secret: Oompa Loompas. Apparently, in the original story, they were supposed to be African pygmies, but I guess American consciousness has somehow risen to a level where we'd perceive that visual as somewhat fucked up.

Instead, the Oompa Loompa has tribal/indigenous clothing, habitat, and customs in the introductory scene, resembling the stereotype we have of Native Americans. He is played by an Indian (as in red dot) actor, though, 'cause who can tell one Indian from another, anyway? This might be a matter of excitement for people of color in Hollywood, that there is opportunity for so many brown people to act as Oompa Loompas, but instead, the same actor plays ALL of them, because as I said, who can tell one Indian from another, anyway? ;P Oh, and the actor, Deep Roy, is a real-life dwarf. But that's not enough; they made him even more microscopic, by camera trick. That's probably done just in case you hand any doubts that these Oompa Loompas are... well, basically sub-human. The People of the Ethical Treatment of Animals should have no complaint with this movie, because WW does not test on animals; he tests on Oompa Loompas!! They're also his home-grown entertainers, busting out in song and dance every time a fat kid or a girl loses the contest!

So how did WW come across these strange beings? He happened to travel to some strange forest in search of new flavors for his chocolate, since raw materials of the third world are, of course, in the public domain. Unfortunately, he found that these primitive Oompa Loompas only had caterpillars to eat, though what they really craved were cocoa beans. WW conveniently offered them all the cocoa beans they wanted if they came to be his factory labor, and they graciously accepted, since we know that places where dark-skinned people live have such a dearth of flavorful spices, teas, herbs, and plants, including cacao. Well, gee, how Pareto efficient!

So in the end we find out WW invited these kids and had this contest to find an heir to his factory. 'Cause there's no way these little brown sub-humans who have been tending it all these years could even be considered for that role.