Mean Girls

On many occasions in my youth, and, I won't lie, on some recent occasions, I have sat down with friends to "analyze" other people, to ponder over why they did, said, wore, smoked the things they did. Our comprehensive investigation would always lead to a singular diagnosis: the person was insecure. In particular, if the unsuspecting psychiatric subject was female, there could be no alternative assessment. Check out these perfectly reasoned conclusions:

*She makes out with everyone 'cause she's insecure.

*She acts all prude 'cause she's insecure.

*She dresses up and acts like she's all that 'cause she's insecure.

*She's all frumpy and doesn't give a shit how she looks 'cause she's insecure.

*She's all skinny 'cause she has an eating disorder 'cause she's insecure.

*She's all fat 'cause she eats all the time 'cause she's insecure.

*She bases her self-worth on her academic performance 'cause she's insecure.

*She doesn't care about school 'cause she's insecure.

*She has all this attitude 'cause she's insecure.

*She's all nice to everyone 'cause she's insecure.

It would be such a fun and simple activity. It would also have this comforting aspect to it, because the more qualities you could pair off with "insecurity," especially of people that were very different from you, the lower your own correlation would be. On the other hand, those of us with more masochistic tendencies would gladly lay all of our own cards on the table to be shuffled and dealt into the hands of eager young sadists.

Somehow, we would never get around to having deep-seated conversations about people that possessed confidence in abundance, or in any capacity, for that matter. I'm not sure how I would recognize such a thing. Chances are, it's not something I would have to worry about- the ostensibly "confident" person would just be frontin' 'cause they're insecure.